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I just finished taking my Fall midterms. By the time I return home for Christmas break, I’ll only have one semester of college remaining. The thought makes me think back to my freshman year. It was a struggle back then, to say the least. I missed Wisconsin, and even more, I missed the people who made Wisconsin my home. I still think about a conversation I had with my dad back then. He reminded me to “Hang in there,” “Take it one semester at a time,” and that by the time I made it home for Christmas break, I would be 1/8 finished with college. This is a “classic dad” way to explain that college goes too fast. I rolled my eyes and thought, “there is no way I will stay at Creighton for the rest of college.”
That was nearly 7 semesters ago.
Well, here I am 7/8ths of my way through and almost a Creighton grad. And now I’m thinking, “Where did the time go?” and “I guess Dad was right…again.”
My time at Creighton has not always been easy, but I have learned a lot about God, life, and myself.
This year I joined a group for seniors called “Ignatian Wisdom Group” (very Jesuit of Creighton). I’m soaking in the feelings and making the most of my final year (or my final 2/8ths in dad terms). The group is talking a lot about discernment. Discernment is different from decision making. With seventeen years of Catholic education (yes, that would include pre-school), you would think I would understand the difference by now. But hey, ya learn something new every day.
For those seventeen years, I have heard the phrases, “Don’t worry, God will lead you in the right direction,” “Trust God and things will work out how they are supposed to,” and the best one, “God has a plan for you.”
I will be candid when I say that freshman year I was angry that God’s “plan” dropped me off at Creighton. I mean, what the heck, Man?—er…God? What sort of plan is doing poorly amidst the most difficult classes I’d ever faced? I was surrounded by people who did not want to be friends. And most importantly, what sort of plan is a college that doesn’t even have a football team?!? (Ok, that last one was a joke. Well, kinda a joke.) By the end of the first semester, the only thing lower than my morale was my GPA!…Great plan we have got here, God! Really lovin’ it! Ok, but seriously, I lost some trust and faith in both God and myself.
I told my story to the Ignatian Wisdom Group. They listened patiently. Then with a smile–of course she had to be smiling– one girl said, “Grace, it seems to me that you decided to come to Creighton, but you did not discern it.”
Ok, ya got me there.
Creighton was a decision. I went to Creighton to achieve my goals–it checked my boxes. But now I realize that those were paper goals. It is true that I had not discerned…
Well now, God and I are back on better terms. And we are both laughing.
My goals have changed (a few times). God did have a plan. I just did not want to see it back then, or maybe I was not ready to see it…or maybe the plan included a bit of struggle before I found myself.
Discernment: Don’t get too caught up in what everyone else wants you to do. Listen to yourself. Don’t run away from the hard questions, lean into them. Make the best decisions you can. Know that you will make mistakes. Know that mistakes are ok. I’m four years older and almost a college graduate—and you know what?—I’m just starting to realize all the things I do not know! I have a lot to learn.
God always answers our prayers. Sometimes, God does not give us exactly what we ask for—but that is still an answer to a prayer. Today, I seek God out and find Him in every little aspect of life. (To the point where my friends make fun of the number of times I yell, “Godwink” each day.) If I cannot find God; I now know that I have not been looking the right places.
Hard times brought a positive change. Places that used to be filled with anxieties about my future are now replaced with happiness, confidence, and peace. The stress about what other people want me to do is greatly reduced. I move on from people who choose not to choose me. I am ok with people misunderstanding me. I took control of my life, but I did it with God by my side…
See. God did have a plan.
Thanks Creighton for the highs, lows, and everything in between. 1/8 to go.
