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Helllllllo friends…I’m back! I took a few years off from “Rays of Grace” to heal and grieve after my parents’ divorce. During my hiatus, I stayed pretty busy. I met, started dating, and got engaged to the best person I know. Most recently, we became dog parents. I also graduated from accelerated nursing school and got a job at a pediatric hospital on the hematology/oncology floor, where I have worked as a nurse for a year.
Pediatric Hematology/Oncology floors take patients who have blood disorders and childhood cancers. My patient population often consists of patients with type one diabetes, sickle cell anemia, and children and young adults with cancer, ages 0-21.
This past year has been HARD. At moments, I felt tremendous amounts of anxiety. I lost confidence as I felt like nursing school only touched on the things I was seeing at work each day. I cried before and after many shifts because of the many hardships each of my patients and their families face. I have had to say goodbye to a few Angels.
My independence, confidence, and nursing skills slowly grew as the year progressed. I realized that not every goodbye is a sad one—a lot of our kids get to go home and live long full lives. My floor is filled with hope, love, and celebrating the small things, while fighting their biggest battle. In between the vitals, CHG wipes, cap changes, pokes, and chemo, we get to giggle, read stories, snuggle, paint nails, have dance parties, watch football, and even pull a few pranks on parents (and residents ;)).
I’ll share a story about one patient who made a particular impact on my life. This patient was one of many children, so their parents were not available to be at the bedside most nights. This was a VERY cranky child, who did not like the nursing staff. I can’t blame this kiddo, because most times we went into their room it was to give medicine, draw labs, change their bedding, or brush their teeth—all things this patient was not fond of. This kiddo would growl and grunt at us as soon as we walked into the room.
One particular night, this patient was feeling extra sick. After multiple nurses went into the room to try to help, this child finally asked if we could sleep with her. My heart melted. I quickly put on an isolation gown and scooped this tiny patient into my arms and we rocked in the chair together. When I came back the next night, the day shift team told me that this kiddo kept telling all the nurses she loved them—I can assure you this patient had never said this to us before. I went to check on this patient when I had a few extra minutes. I stood in the doorway as the patient was eating and smiling for the first time in weeks; we both began to hysterically laugh. I knew that this was just a moment and the patient would probably go back to growling at me, but that ten minute snuggle made a difference on this kid. It made me realize that sometimes the small things we do as nurses can make the biggest impact.
My patients have taught me a lot about strength, resilience, and patience. Life is not always fair, and it is important to grieve our losses. It is also ok to smile—even when we want to growl.
