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Self-Care AGREE-ment During the Pandemic
By Natalie Hanson
I remember being nine (plus) months pregnant when my mom came to visit us in our small home in Salt Lake City. It was a scorching late-summer day in the mountain desert, when my overdue baby and I were outside trying to work a floral miracle in my tiny backyard. I was trying to resuscitate all of my wilting flowers that had surrendered for the season (for what mother worth her salt could bring a baby into the world when she couldn’t even keep her geraniums happy?). I was hot, frustrated at my lack of gardening expertise, and (did I mention) VERY pregnant. I lamented to my mom through exasperated tears, “I should just hire someone to do this for me!” Of course, there was no money in our non-existent landscaping “budget” for a groundskeeper, but I just knew someone (anyone!) else would be better suited for the job.
My mom simply put her arm around me and did what she had always done during my signature dramatic moments growing up: she gave me a hug and reassured me, “No one will ever do as good of a job FOR you THAN you. To thine own self be true.” That included pruning the flowers in my fun-size backyard. And being that unpunctual little boy’s mama.
I took that lesson to heart and have applied it to many situations in my life – including self-care. I know, deep down, that no one can ever take care of my needs (body, mind, and spirit) as well as I can. No one can rest or eat for me. No one can choose gratitude for me. In fact, it is not anyone else’s responsibility to do so! How do I know this to be true? Because I have spent a lot of time and money “looking for love in all the wrong places” (usually at a beauty counter somewhere) to finally realize that self-care is an “inside” job. Sure, it’s nice when someone else treats me well, but that is merely a bonus “gift-with-purchase” once I have acquired the freedom to not depend upon it for my own self-worth or contentment.
The current COVID-19 pandemic has been a challenge to all forms of care – including our basic healthcare and economic welfare. It might seem to be a “luxury I can’t afford” to suggest that self-care is important at this difficult time when family and friends (and perhaps even we ourselves) are dealing with the deterioration of entire systems of well-being. However, I have learned that in order to be healthy enough to care for others, I must first take excellent care of myself. This is not selfish. In fact, I believe that it is the most valuable and generous gift we can give to each other. We can’t serve others from an empty cup. So, how do we “fill ourselves up” during this, or any other, time of crisis?
I have created a catchy little affirmation that works well for me: the “I AGREE” checklist. It is like a self-care contract I have with myself to keep me motivated.
A – Acceptance.
For me, the first thing that is required in any difficult situation is to accept it for what it is – not how I want it to be (or wish it was). I can’t change the fact of the pandemic, but I can accept that it is happening, which allows me to acknowledge the problems and look for solutions. Acceptance is the first step toward peace.
G – Gratitude.
An “attitude of gratitude” makes it difficult for me to indulge in self-pity. Although I wish we could take a trip to Colorado to visit our family, I appreciate our ability to safely have Zoom meetings and FaceTime with them – yay technology! We “see” each other now more than before the pandemic, and I am grateful for the increased communication. It is something I look forward to continuing even when we can resume in-person visits.
R – Rest.
Do you ever wish you could “clone” yourself to get more done? Well, the quarantine has presented us with an unprecedented invitation to do less (and reap the benefits of greater rest). Whether it is a 10-minute timed nap (just to shut my eyes for a bit), an earlier bedtime, a longer shower, sipping a cup of tea in silence, or even waking up a bit early for a few minutes of meditation or to daydream, my brain appreciates it when I push the “reset and restore” button. Everything seems fresher and more possible!
E – Exercise.
I make it a point to move my body in fun and creative ways every day. Some days, it is a run, walk, or bike ride (even better if it is with friends keeping an appropriate physical distance!). Some days it is restorative yoga or gentle stretching in my desk chair after a writing marathon. And some days, it is doing some slow, deep belly-breathing while stopped at a red light or standing in line at Target. Deep “diaphragmatic” breathing is excellent exercise for our lungs and heart (both precious systems to keep healthy during this pandemic that literally wants to take our breath away!).
E – Eat and Eau.
Noshing on a variety of my favorite foods (eat) and drinking a plentiful supply of wonderful water (eau, in French) help me maintain my energy and equilibrium during this stressful time. There certainly are many creative ways to get a nutritious blend of fuel and hydration every day. Do what works for you, because part of self-care is listening to what your body needs (not always what everyone else thinks is best!).
Self-care sometimes looks like a spa day or bubble bath – which can be awesome! And other times it looks like a Sabbath (time set aside for rest, worship, and gratitude). Or perhaps a sabbatical (time away from work – even answering friendly texts!). However you choose to take care of yourself, especially during the challenges of the pandemic, I hope you will AGREE that we all are worthy of daily self-care. It is something no one can do for us, AND it is impossible to do solely for our own benefit. When we fill our own cup, we have more to share with others.
Natalie Hanson is a grateful mother runner, yogi, musician, and founder of Mask Beez who lives in Eau Claire, Wisconsin with her high school sweetheart Peter, their four sons, Henry the Lab, and Brecken the Corgi.
